Using examples from Scripture, Jeanne DeCelles described the qualities and character of a Christian woman and noted the ways the world does not value these things. She ended by sharing her own paraphrase of Proverbs 31, “The Woman of the People of Praise.”
Transcript
This document is a direct transcript of an audio recording, and may contain transcription errors and other minor edits for the sake of clarity.
[Tape begins after Jeanne has already begun speaking.]
JEANNE: . . . The first [quality] is faith and trust.
It’s easy to see how this is a powerful quality.
1 Peter 3 talks about the holy women who hope. A Christian woman is unafraid, and that makes her very uncommon.
Anxiety is a significant disease of the times, but we’re told that we should let nothing terrify us, like the woman of Proverbs 31, who laughed at the times to come.
How does the Christian woman escape anxiety? First of all, she escapes anxiety through her relationship with God. If we’re related in the right way with our Creator, if we are growing in humility, if our prayer life is active, if we’re growing in love of God and a desire to serve him, if we’re really placing our lives in his hands, then we need have no anxiety about our lives.
Sometimes, however, that’s practically a hard thing to work out. The practical demands of that can be very difficult. So another way that a Christian woman escapes anxiety is through her headship/submission relationship. If you’re really in the right submissive relationship with the person who has responsibility and special care and concern for you, then you will not need to be anxious.
Thirdly, she escapes anxiety through her friendships and the sisterhood in the community. I think it’s very important that all the women’s groups talk about all these issues that are being raised in the teachings about being provident and resourceful, so that we can support one another, build one another up, get our fears out into the open, and share them with one another in the right ways so that we can help each other. Because nobody except another woman is really going to understand all of your fears about these things.
Fourth, she escapes anxiety through patience. Patience is the opposite of anger. As we grow in patience, we become less anxious about things that don’t really matter, like the way some people drive, or some—something that’s kind of bent us out of shape in the household. Things that just don’t really matter. If we practice patience and grow in patience in those situations, then we’ll be less anxious in difficult situations.
And fifth, the Christian woman escapes anxiety because she belongs to Christ, and she’s protected from the intensity of the world and the demands of the world. We’re really in the world but not of it. And since we’re not of the world, then we don’t have to be pushed around by the demands of the world, by the views of the world, and by the intensity of the world, because our home is in a different place.
The second quality of a Christian woman is love and charity.
The Christian woman is best remembered and known for her good deeds, or her ability to be committed and to go outside of herself. She is gentle. She is kind. Just being around her is comforting. It’s like a balm in your soul.
“The teaching of kindness is on her tongue” [Prov. 31:26], but she is able to speak the truth in love. She is able to be a strong, steadfast sister. Like the sister who said to me, when I said my prayer life hadn’t been too good for three days, she said, “Shape up! I don’t want to be next to you in the battle if you’ve got [inaudible—”holes . . . “?]. She’s able to be a strong, steadfast sister. She’s able to be a firm mother. And she’s able to be a loyal and supportive wife. She is able to be understanding, and to give real help where it is needed.
The third quality of the Christian woman is a quiet spirit.
A quiet spirit is referred to in Scripture as the “imperishable jewel.” It comes from a word meaning, well—hesuchia, which means “quietness.” [Jeanne spells out the word.] I think it’s Greek, [inaudible] . . . which means “quietness,” “calmness,” “peacefulness.” She respects God; she has fear of the Lord. And she respects those who are over her. She is teachable. She is not just “quiet.” We can be seething and rebellious underneath that quiet.
It is easier to say what a quiet and gentle spirit is not, than it is to say what it is. It is not contentious; it is not overbearing. It is not pushy. It is not anxious, and it is not loud.
How to cultivate it? [Affirmative laughter from the audience.] The first way to cultivate it is through headship. The first way to cultivate a quiet and gentle spirit is through headship.
We should pray for our heads, because the more powerful and spiritual and firm headship we can come under, the more easily we will grow in a quiet and gentle spirit. Make it a joy for your head to be your head. Make it easy, and you need not be terrified of anything. Seek to be headed as much as you can, and you will come into holiness and maturity. Submit your vices, your faults, and they will lose their power over you. Now this does not mean to be passive or like a robot.
You look at some of the women in the Bible. For instance, Hannah, who begged the Lord for a child; Sarah, who brought forth life from a long-barren womb; Esther’s deliverance from danger; Judith coming out of the seclusion of a widow’s life and with great courage and cunning completely undoing Holofernes and delivering her people; Anna, the prophetess who lived through long, lonely years of widowhood, but prophesied over the very God that she had served for so long. None of these women could be called passive.
It’s interesting to note, though, that when Sarah did not behave submissively, it cost her a great deal. She nagged and nagged until the slave Hagar produced a son. And that son was Ishmael. We all know that Ishmael was the beginning of the Arab and Israeli problems. Her interference in the lives of Jacob and Esau was used in a powerful way by God—but it still was interference and meddling. [Note: Jeanne is probably referring here not to Sarah, but to the interference of Rebekah, mother to Jacob and Esau.] It’s hard to imagine that she was exercising a quiet and gentle spirit.
When Mary said yes to the angel, it seems to us that she was astonishingly quick in her submissiveness. But it was not passive submission. Actually, it was explosive submission! It was total submission, but it required all the strength, endurance, and courage that she could have, and it would lead her to the cross. But through that submission she brought life to a world that was dead.
It’s a classic example of a woman’s attention to detail that Mary first noticed the shortage of wine at the wedding feast. It’s a classic example of a woman’s compassion that she understood how embarrassing that would be, and a classic example of womanly intuition that made her so sure that Jesus would accede to her request for help. Only a woman could have gone to the Messiah and asked him to do something about a very small but very human need.
When you read the passage in the Bible about Martha and Mary, it sometimes can be a problem. It seems so unfair. What we need to understand is that what Jesus rebuked Martha for was not her diligent work, but her anxiety, her oversolicitude, her excitement, her rushing about. And eventually, as I’ve said before, that all led to one thing: the critical spirit which is rooted in pride.
Second, 1 Timothy 2:8–15: “Be concerned with the things that are your proper concern, not stirring up trouble, not usurping authority, and not being domineering.” It is a protection to us not to be concerned where we are not properly involved. And a sure way to get ourselves out of whack is to get all worked up about something that doesn’t concern us.
Third, practice true humility, and avoid envy and pride.
Fourth, plan not to be rushed. Get your life in order. Get on a schedule, and try to avoid situations where you will be rushed.
The third quality [sic; Jeanne is discussing the fourth overall quality here] of a Christian woman is that she’s under control.
She’s temperate, she’s disciplined, and she’s serious. The passage for this is 1 Timothy 3:11. She’s under control in the flesh: she’s chaste and modest. She’s not conformed to consumerism or mindlessness. Instead, she’s a daughter of the King. That takes practice. It takes thinking about what you’re doing; what God’s plan for your life is; what it means to be a daughter of the King. It takes the help of your sisters and the help of your head.
The fifth quality is holiness, reverent behavior.
The Christian woman is devoted to prayer and sits at the feet of Jesus. It’s important to remember that women are highly sensitive to spiritual things. We can be easily deceived as well as inspired. We need to avoid any feeling of spiritual superiority. And when you’re helping other women you will frequently find marriages where the husband has an attitude that she’s spiritually superior. Well, she may be spiritually sensitive, but she may not necessarily, and probably should not, think of herself as being spiritually superior to him. There is a difference.
Also, they have—you have to be careful about spiritually erotic relationships, a one-on-one relationship because this person “really understands” all these “deep, spiritual things” that you understand, and your husband probably wouldn’t understand. There’s a lot of spiritual adultery that can take place, sometimes at least [inaudible].
Okay. What is the role of the Christian woman?
Women have full membership in the body, and should exercise their gifts fully. That includes gifts of healing, gifts of prophecy. . . . They should exercise those gifts as full members in the body, always submitting them in the right way.
Second, her role is that of helper. (This is mostly review for you.) This role is misunderstood and looked down on in society as something that you do till you can do something better. It doesn’t have any “real value.” But it is true that women can help and assist and support life in a way that men cannot. It is not at all demeaning to be able to remove burdens and details from someone that we serve. Such support is essential for unity in the body.
We have a poor picture of this, because our society values masculine qualities and masculine achievements. We have been suckered into the same attitude. There’s a drive for independence and status, a drive to be the boss. No one is driving hard in order to learn how to serve better. Everybody’s driving hard in order to make their way up the ladder.
There’s no doubt that there have been general—genuine abuses of women in the world. But the world does not think that being a helper, or really being womanly in that way, is of any value, and in the world there is a great emphasis on function.
The third role of a Christian woman is “making a place,” setting the emotional tone, and supporting life. The corollary for men is “taking the territory.” Men take the territory, but women make it fit to live in.
I think this is one of the places where women in the world have most given up their value and the real influence and power that they have. I know when I go over to Notre Dame, I’m just amazed at what women have given up. The language that they use and the way they behave. One of my daughters was telling me that she went to a program at Notre Dame yesterday where they had some skits, and there were jokes in the program that were making fun of the women themselves, and the women were laughing harder than anybody. They were offensive, they were really offensive types of jokes. If you watch the women in public places and in group situations such as at sporting events, or in the stores or at church, places like that, we can see that they’ve just, they’ve just given up. One of the greatest gifts they have, the greatest power and influence they have in the world, they’ve given up, totally, so that they can be more like a man.
Okay. What are some of the obstacles to growing in these areas? This one has more to do with how you help other women.
First, the mentality that there’s no need for a difference between men and women.
If you go to a Notre Dame game and you sit near the student section, believe me, you notice that there aren’t that many differences. And it’s a shame, it’s really a pity [Jeanne chuckles slightly]. And that’s not just recent. I remember several years ago, Paul and I went to a—there used to be a party every year in the physics department that was given by the graduate students. They provided the drinks and the food, and the entertainment afterwards. And they were always very—the graduate students in physics, of course, were always very bright people. It was all very funny. [Inaudible] . . . but the—each year that we were there, it got a little more off-color every year but the skits got. Finally, the last time we went was the last time we went. We decided we would not go to the party; it was just too oppressive.
I remember there was one girl who worked in the department as a secretary, and she was a nice girl, you know? She was brought up in a religious family. She wasn’t married yet, but she was obviously wishing she could be married, and under tremendous pressure to get married from her family and from the world and from society. She was a good secretary, and . . . I suppose the students liked her because she probably did a lot of their papers for them and stuff, in the department. I don’t think she was thought of badly, exactly. But she was kind of a “joke.”
She was very attractive. I don’t think she was doing anything immoral. But there were all sorts of really obscene things, you know, in the skit. In the skit, of course, everybody was mentioned. They poked fun at the professors, and they poked fun at everybody in the department. And this girl’s name came up in the skit more than once. And it was always with an obscene innuendo to it, a double meaning, or something really vile.
And I remember thinking, Why does she, you know—why doesn’t she just get up and . . . punch him in the nose or walk out or something, you know? I mean, she was in a hopelessly difficult situation, it seems to me. She didn’t have any support there that would help her get up and walk out. We had befriended her somewhat, but it never—she never really seemed to want to get very close. And so she just sat there and took it, because she liked being a “jolly good friend” with these graduate students. So she never—as far as I know, never said anything about it, never was—never betrayed any embarrassment about it or anything, you know. It must have been just miserable for her! I can’t imagine.
The second obstacle is the independence thrust and status quest. Because this age overvalues masculine qualities.
The third obstacle is the attitude which says, “I’ve always been like this and I can’t change.”
The fourth is fear: bad experiences in the past, real abuse, or a problem in upbringing.
These are all kind of a review of the talks on the psychology of women.
Now, I did a paraphrase of Proverbs 31. And you don’t have to take notes on it, okay? It’s not a work of art. I just sat down and typed it out from scratch. This is the rough copy, the only [inaudible—“draft”?]. This is about not the woman of Proverbs 31 but the woman of the People of Praise.
A perfect woman of praise, who can find her? Have you checked at the LaSalle?1 [Laughter from the audience.]
She is far beyond the modern woman.
Her husband or head has confidence unbounded in her, for from her he derives no little support and help and blessing; service, and never unsubmissiveness, does she bring him all the days of her life.
She is always busy with service, with nurturing and sewing and canning and childcare.
She does her work with the eyes and hands and heart of a servant.
She is like the co-op, bringing food from far away [laughter from the audience], dividing it and distributing it to her brothers and sisters.
She gets up while it is still dark, for household morning prayer, and to give her household breakfast, and to train and head and love her sisters.
She sets her mind on the LaSalle Building, and after it is bought she decorates it [laughter] and beautifies it as the house of the Lord.
She puts her back into her work, at home and away, and shows how strong her heart and her will and her commitment can be.
She finds her work gives her joy in her heart.
She is fulfilled because she has sought fulfillment in the Lord, and in service far beyond the Virginia Slims lady.
Her lamp does not go out at night. She is with her women’s group.
She sets her hand to prepare a high quality of life for the people of God.
She holds out her hand to the poor. She opens her arms to the needy wherever she finds them, but especially to her brothers and sisters in the Lord.
Snow will definitely, absolutely, beyond a doubt, come, but she has no fear for her household, for she has learned to be provident and resourceful [laughter].
She learns to make her own quilts and clothing, and teaches her sisters how to do it if she already knows.
Her husband and the elders of her people are respected at the city gate.
She will provide two years of bedding and clothing for her household and family.
She bargains well with the merchant.
She is clothed with strength and dignity and purity and submissiveness, and she laughs at the days to come. For her elders have asked her to be prepared for the days to come, and she takes joy in doing so.
When she opens her mouth, she does so wisely. On her tongue is wisdom, kindness, simplicity, and no slander, gossip, idle talk, or negative humor.
She keeps good watch on the conduct of her household. No bread of idleness for her, and very little sleep.
The sons of the People of Praise proclaim her blessed.
The men of the People of Praise proclaim her a woman of God:
“Modern women have come a long way in the world, but you have surpassed them all in the kingdom of God.
Charm is deceitful and beauty fades, but your beauty is imperishable.
You have clothed your sisters in beauty, and your self-image is found in the Almighty. Surely you are to be praised in the assembly at Century Center2 [someone chuckles].
Give her eternal life and a place of honor in the body.
Her works tell her praises at the city gates of the world, and they rise up as a pleasing fragrance to the gates of heaven.”
[Recording ends here.]
Endnotes
1. Jeanne is referring to the LaSalle Building in the heart of downtown South Bend, recently purchased by the People of Praise at the time of this talk. The building housed the community offices along with retreat, conference, and outreach space, and, among other things, a large household, a coffee shop, a book distribution warehouse, and a bookstore. People of Praise women spent countless service hours at the LaSalle Building, cleaning, furnishing, serving the public, etc. And some also worked upstairs for the LaSalle Company. Return to text
2. For many years, the South Bend branch met at Century Center, a downtown auditorium. Return to text
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