In this talk, given at a 1982 womenâs retreat, Julie Walters spoke from her own experience of raising her children. With Scripture, stories and examples, she discussed a motherâs special role in training her daughters to become women of God and the obstacles that get in the way of fulfilling that responsibility. She addressed the need to allow fathers to take the primary role in teaching and training sons. Julie offered specific comments to the single mothers in the room, adapting her teaching to their particular situation.
Transcript
This document is a direct transcript of an audio recording, and may contain transcription errors and other minor edits for the sake of clarity.
[Tape begins after Julie has already begun speaking.]
JULIE: . . . They learn from what they see us doing. We are teaching and training all the time. Mothers need to be models of holiness. This sounds intimidating and perhaps, we may think, impossible. We who know Christ Jesus and live by his power, are not afraid. His word in Philippians assures us, he asâhe âis at work in you both to will and to work for his good pleasureâ [Phil. 2:13]. It is Godâs will that we train up our daughters to be women of God. He will give us the gifts.
Why do we train up our daughters? Because Scripture says to do it, and says how to do it.
Ephesians 6:4 says, âParents, never drive your children to resentment, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.â
Proverbs 11:22 says, âLike a gold ring in a pigâs snout is a beautiful woman without sense.â [Laughter.]
Proverbs 1:10 [sic; this is Proverbs 10:10]: âTo wink at a fault is trouble. A frank rebuke breeds peace.â
Proverbs 10:17: âCorrection is the high road to life, but he who rejects reproof goes astray.â
Our Christian churches also enjoin us to be the primary educators of our children. In some churches, in order for children to be baptized, we need to state that we will accept the responsibility to train them up in their faith. Community teaching also calls us to accept this responsibility.
Strictly speaking, discipline means âdiscipling.â The disciple sits at the feet of the master. He learns the masterâs wisdom and ways. Mothers must give their daughters the wisdom and instruction of the Lord.
When one of my daughters was learning to drive, I instructed her to take a left-hand turn at a corner, a right-hand turn at the stoplight. . . . And after each driving session, I explained what she had done wrong, and how she ought to correct her mistakes, or how she could have executed a move more safely. One day, I said to her, âYou accept my correction and instruction without rancor or anger or hostility in order to obtain a driverâs license. In fact, you are eager to change anything that might jeopardize your chances of obtaining your license. You should have the same eagerness for all my instruction and correction, for it will help you to grow into a mature Christian woman, and the reward is eternal life.â
What are the obstacles to training up our daughters? Thereâs a misguided belief that successful parenthood consists of raising children in an atmosphere of genuine affection and satisfying his [sic] material and physical needs. Parents then expect every good and worthwhile virtue to bubble forth from this spring of loving kindness. One psychologist said that the greatest social disaster of this century is the belief that abundant love makes discipline unnecessary.
There is a general trend today that says, âIt is bad to impose your beliefs, your ideas, your moral codes, and your attitudes on your children.â This trend is in the school system and the media, which have placed a high value on independent thinking. They stress that the viewpoint of the child is as important and as valid as that of the adult. Docility is viewed as weakness, and contentiousness as virtue. We need to understand, and we need to point out to our daughters, the general attitude that they pick up, very often through theirâthrough TV [and] their teachers, is that parents have no right to violate their independent spirit. That it is good to be independent, to debate everything, to be argumentative, and to have the attitude, âOh, thatâs just your parentsâ point of view.â
When one of the teenagers in the People of Praise was in the hospital, the parents received information about their childâs condition from their child. The doctors and nurses spoke directly to the child, and sidestepped the parents. When the parents were present, the doctor addressed his conversation to the child. Finally, the father told the doctors and the nurses that all information about the childâs condition was to be given to him or to his wife, and they, in turn, would inform their child.
Another obstacle may be our own self-image. âWho am I to be teaching my daughter? Iâm not good enough, not holy enough.â Or, âI donât want her to grow up to be like me.â Or, âEverything I say comes out wrong.â We overcome this obstacle by renouncing self-pity, self-condemnation, and by deciding to change those things in our life that cannot [ought not?] be imitated. The decision to train up our daughters may, in fact, be a time for us to change those things in our lives that we have thus far avoided [changing].
Another obstacle is fear of losing your daughterâs affection. âIf I speak the truth to her or correct her, she wonât like me.â Scripture says, âAll discipline seems hard at the time, but it reaps the reward of eternal lifeâ [Heb. 12:11]. Mothers need to keep an eternal perspective. We need to be matter-of-fact about correction, and it does not have to be emotional. We need to correct them just as if we were teaching them to drive a car.
Another obstacle may be that we may not want to do it. We may feel timid about doing it. We need to repent of sloth and timidity. We need to beg God for the desire to do it. We need to beg him for the strength to train up our daughters.
Lack of time may be an excuse. We need to make it a priority. If we feel that there is no time, we need to take that to our head or to our husband.
Often, our daughter may put up resistance to training. She may say she doesnât have the time, especially if she is in high school. She may be rebellious or fearful. We must not take this personally. We must reach out again and again and endure any kind of rejection and pain. One Saturday, I told one of my daughters that I wanted to take her to Farmerâs Market to teach her how to choose vegetables and fruit, and afterwards, we would go to Inwoods1 and buy a floral centerpiece for a birthday celebration we were preparing. She did not verbally say, âI donât want to go.â But everything in her attitude screamed, âI donât want to go,â every step of the way. Finally, she was so caught up in learning how to choose melons and how to choose lettuce that she forgot about her rebellion. And also, at Inwoods, we were delighted to have a private demonstration of floral arranging as a proficient clerk put on quite a show to make our centerpiece. It was one of the most delightful times that weâve ever had together. But if I had succumbed to what I was feeling inside and reacted to her negativity, we would not have gone. You have to just plunge ahead and do it.
Our own self-image . . . oh, I said that. Just a minute.
Some remedies to obstacles, and ways to find encouragement:
First, read Scripture. Ruth, Judith, Esther, the mother of the Maccabees, Mary the mother of Jesus exemplify womanly qualities. When my daughters were young, I read about these women with them. We talked about their qualities. We noted that they all belonged to a people, just as we belong to the People of Praise. The support of being a part of a people freed these women, and free [sic] us to grow in virtue and holiness.
Secondly, hold up to them other models of holiness, living and dead. As I discussed a relationship problem with one of my daughters, I told her how a saint in the Catholic tradition had overcome a similar problem in her life. Her eyes welled up with tears as she realized she was not the only one who had relationship problems. Holy people did too. This also inspired her to read about this holy woman.
Third, community teachings and conferences on family life and parenting convince us that we must train up our daughters. These help us to make an act of the will, and to do it. We need to listen to tapes on parenting, and the foundation series.
Fourth, common sense tells us that we must train up our daughters. If we do not do it, who will do it? And if we do not do it now, when will we do it? As Jeanne [DeCelles] says, âIt is madness to let anyone teach and train your daughter but you.â
Fifth, repentance. Ask forgiveness of God and our husband or head if we are not training them, and change the directionâchange your direction. Decide to do it.
Seventh, prayerâfor ourselves, for our daughters, with our daughters.
What point is this? Sixth? Okay.
The next one, whichever it is [laughter], is love. We live out the commitment to willingly lay down our life in loving service for the kingdom of God when we commit ourselves to this sister in the Lord, our daughter.
Next, we can look to our husbands, heads, and other sisters for wisdom, support, and encouragement. There is no teaching on what age is appropriate for girls to wear nylons, to wear makeup, to have their ears pierced. Other sisters who have gone on before us, who have wisdom, and have worked through those areas, can help us.
Most of all, have a sense of humor. We must take our commitment to train up our daughters seriously. We must also have a sense of humor to keep the relationship in perspective. One day, one of my daughters came home from school visibly burdened. I probed. I asked questions. âIs it this? Is it that?â I went on a guilt trip, thinking, âOh, Iâm a really bad mother. She wonât talk to me.â Finally, after three hours, I sat down and said, âWhat is going on with you?â She told me, and I told her what was going on inside me, and how ridiculous the last three hours had been, and we just absolutely laughed about it. And then, I could use that as an opportunity to teach her that she needs to learn to share the burdens that are on her heart. Because if she plans to be married, or even if she doesnât plan to be married, she needs to learn to go to her head, go to her husband, with her burdens right away, and not keep them inside. So, everyâwe have to have a real sense of humor about things, and we have to laugh at them, and not go on guilt trips.
What do we train them up in? Everything. All the qualities, virtues, and skills of a strong Christian woman.
[First,] train them up to be women of prayer. As they grow, their relationship with the Lord ought to grow also. They ought to be praying differently at 22 than they were at two. Encourage and support their relationship with the Lord by helping them to find a place and a time to pray. Give them instructions on how to pray. Talk with them about their relationship with the Lord. One of my daughters absolutely and totally delighted me one day when she started sharing with me how the Lord had spoken to her through the psalms. Her relationship had grown to such a point that she could use the psalms as part of her prayer time and really hear the Lord speaking to her through that.
Love of God. This is two [the second point]: love of God, reverence for God, and all that he has made. One of my daughters was jogging one day and said that she was just thanking God for green. It was in the springtime. Thatâs the kind of thanksgiving they need to have inside of them, that just as they go throughout their day, that they would thank God just for the color green.
To have faith in God, that he supplies all of our needs. One daughter prayed for a pair of shoes before we went shopping, but we couldnât find the ones that she wanted. They were in every size but her size. We even called Elkhart to try to find that particular pair of shoes. We learned that God doesnât always answer our prayers and give us what we want, but if our heart is where our treasure is, then disappointments, such as shoes, are not that important. Perfect happiness is found only in heaven. We need to keep our eyes on eternity. A year later, she found that exact pair of shoes in her size. [Inaudible] . . . I had the feeling was [sic] that the Lord wanted to teach her that shoes are not the most important thing in the world; that her relationship with him was.
Third, a gentle and quiet spirit, submissiveness, obedience. Our daughters will learn these from the way they see us behaving. However, we must also speak to her [sic] of how we learned to have a gentle and quiet spirit, of how we learned to be submissive. We must speak to her about how her life will be more peaceful as she grows in this area.
Fourth, we need to teach her to be adorned in good works, to have a servantâs heart. We can give opportunities for her to serve and free her from household chores to serve others. If we sense in her attitude that serving is difficult, we needâwe must help her to get in the right place with that by talking about it. Perhaps we are expecting too much. Or, perhaps she needs to change her mind. We must train her up to serve God and her neighbor, and to keep her priorities straight.
Fifth, faithfulness. Encourage her to fulfill her commitments. If she has promised to bake cookies for a bake sale, be certain that all ingredients are on hand for her to do so. For as she grows in her ability to make a commitment and be faithful to it, she will be prepared to make a commitment to the Lord and keep it.
[Sixth,] we train them to relate correctly, to respect the authority of their father and others in authority over them. The way we honor our husbands and heads and respect their authority will reinforce their attitude. Our daughters need to relate to us with respect. They learn this by the way our husbands support our authority, and by the way we never tolerate disrespect. We train them up to relate correctly to their brothers and sisters, in and out of the immediate family, to teachers, to coaches, [and] so forth. We train them to accept and extend forgiveness, to speak well of one another, to expect the best of another, to serve others, and so on. In fact, all community teaching that we have inside us about how to relate well is what we should be teaching our daughters.
Seventh, we need to teach them to be domestic: to nourish life, to create a home, to care for children. For instance, how to set a gracious table, to cook, to arrange flowers, to launder, to sew. [to] build a wardrobe, to crochetâthose kinds of things. If we do not have some of these skills, we can learn them, or we can allow another sister to teach them. Recently, Monica [Julieâs youngest daughter] became âruler of the house.â Clem and I were out on mission, andâour household is absolutely and totally depleted, except for Bill Brophy [and our son, Peter]. As a result, Monica assumed all the domestic chores in my absence, which meant that she went to school, she did the laundry, she did the cleaning, she did the cooking, she tended the plants. She did everything that I would have done if I had been there. I was very impressed by that, and I was very happy that she could do that for me.
Eight, we need to teach them to control their emotions. We have very good teachings on emotions in the community. It would be good to listen to that tape so that you have it in your mind and you can help your daughters to have self-control, to be stable, and that a woman does not give in to moods.
Nine, we give them confidence in social situations. I have always thought that social graces was [sic] to do and to say what would make others feel at ease. We teach our daughters appropriate behavior and speech for greeting guests, for making people feel comfortable at funerals, at weddings, and so forth.
Ten, we teach them to have confidence in difficult situations: how to take an article of clothing back to the store, how to make business phone calls, anything that might cause her a difficulty. One of my daughters wasâfound it very difficult to make a business phone call. When she was small, to call the library and ask if a book was in was too much for her. I helped her by writing out what she would say. Then, I would merely stand by as she made phone calls. Recently, she was paid to answer the phones for a local business. Thatâs the kind of confidence that we need to help our childrenâour daughters to have.
We need to help her understand her physiology. As she approaches puberty, we need to tell her what is happening inside her. She needs to understand that very often, she can be tempted to weepiness, self-pity, or irritation just before her period. She may need to keep track of her period, so that she may anticipate mood shifts and deal with them appropriately.
I felt the need to talk with one of my daughters about modest dress and young womenâs responsibility toward young men. As I talked with her about this in the car, as we were going to get some black cherries one day, she listened respectfully . . . without comment, and when we reached home, she said, âYou know, Mom, I really was listening. Iâm glad you take the time to talk to me about these things.â In fact, she was sitting. . . . [Laughter, probably at a gesture Julie is making.]
How do we train them up?
[First,] as we said in the beginning, by example. She learns her demeanor from you. We are teaching and training all the time. This gives us an awesome charge. We must love being Godâs women. We must not just accept our role because community teaching says we must. We must love being a woman, because God has willed it. And if we do not, then we must beg Godâs mercy in order to do so.
Second, actual instruction. Actual teaching, as it presents itself at the time. Recently, one daughter needed a new jacket, and another, a pair of boots. I taught them what to look for as we shopped. We talked about under what conditions they would be wearing the clothing, what the fiber content was, all the wearability, the price, the care, so that she [sic] could learn from that experience, and the next time would be able to go out on her own and to choose a jacket. Opportunities for teaching are readily available to us as we open our eyes to them and decide to take the time to capture the moment, to do it.
Third, actual correction. We do need to adjust wrong attitudes. If a daughter has put a knife on the wrong side of a plate as sheâs setting the table, we would correct her so that she would know the right way to set a table. We must also have the same concern about all areas of her life, with the same unemotional way of dealing with them. [Julie chuckles.]
Four, share your heart with her. Tell her what the Lord is speaking to you in prayer, and the victories that you are having in your life.
When do we start? Actually, as soon as they are born. Mothers need to decide that their role in building the kingdom of God when children are small is to expect to correct, and to expect obedience. For us with older daughters, if we have not begun, we need to begin, whether they are 4, 6, 9, or 14.
We need to make a commitment to spend time with our daughters weekly. And if we have more than one, you can put it on a rotating basis. We need to spend time when we are not tired, time for just the two of you. One mother uses what she calls âsnuggle time.â In the winter, they get underneath the blankets and snuggle close together and have their time together. Another mother took her older daughter out to McDonaldâs on Saturday morning for breakfast. But pick a time that will work for you, and be faithful to it.
Ask your head or your husband for wisdom to share with your daughter. Pray for herâand during herâduring your time together. Pray for a Scripture that you might share with her during your time together. Pray for a prophecy, and ask the Lord for discernment for her. In the beginning, plan your time carefully, and keep it light. Pray out loud together.
Be in tune with her during your daily life.
First, be affectionate. Give lots of hugs. We give lots of hugs at our house.
Second, be available. Talk a lot. And some daughters find it very difficult to talk. You know, one way that you might be able to get around this is just to say, âYou know, I do have a right to know whatâs going onânot only a right, but I really want to find out whatâs going on in your life.â And donât be put off by her difficulty in sharing whatâs been going on in her day. Just say, âDo you have anyâdo you have any wonderful things that you can share with me about your day?â
[Third,] speak the truth to each situation as it comes up during the day, and donât apologize for the truth.
Fourth, share your favorite things with her. One day after Monica and I had been canning pickles all morning, we both got all dressed up and went to Tippecanoe Place for lunch. We sat in those great big chairs, and it was really fun. Or one dayâI happen to like roses, and one day, I just said to her, âCome out and look at this rose! Itâs just beautiful.â And it justâit helps them to get to know what is important to you, you know, and what your favorite things are, and it builds a bridge. It builds closeness between the two of you. In fact, I was really feeling badly just before I had to go to New Orleans, and Monica came home from school and discovered that, and she went outâwent to the florist, and bought me a rose.
[Inaudible whisper.]
[Fifth,] also let her share her favorite things with you: her books, her friends, good shopping buys, her pictures when she brings them home from schoolâall of those things.
Sixth, continually keep her on the path. Remember, you are her guide, not her buddy. I think that is one of the most important things for mothers to remember. Youâre her guide, not her buddy.
Seventh, help her to accept the protection you and her father are for her.
Eighth, again, on a daily basis, really testify to Godâs work in your life, even if it sounds corny.
Ninth, be willing to listen for a long time.
WOMANâS VOICE: Julie, could you go back about three?
JULIE: Fully testifyâeight is: really testify to Godâs work in your life, even if it sounds corny.
And seven was: help her to accept the protection you and her father are for her. For instance, with daily schedules and homework. Iâve discovered thatâs a biggie. They come home, they go, âOh, look at all this homework!â You say, âOh, I can help you with that.â
Ten is: avoid collusion. In other words, âLetâs you and I figure out a way to change your fatherâs mind about that issue.â Donât make deals. Something like, âIf you wear a dress to the GCG2, you donât have to do such and such and so and so.â
Eleven, do not betray a fault or a confidence. When your daughter confides in you, if she has a fault, sheâs a sister in the community. We need to treat her as a sister also.
No one else can train your daughter like you can. Whether it looks like it or not, your daughter will imitate you. She has an openness to hear you because God has put it there. You have the commission from the Lord and the gift to train her up to be a strong woman of God.
Before I begin the part on relating to sons, I want to speak a word to the single parents, so that you can adapt the points in this section to your state in life. I would like you to listen with the understanding that the Father is your Maker, and the Father of your son. That as you go to him with situations that involve relating to your son, that he will give you the wisdom.
One single parent shared with me that when the Lord spoke in prophecy the word, âWives, I have given you your husbands, and I will make you holy by them,â her first reaction was, âThatâs nice for my sisters. Iâll rejoice for them.â However, he repeated, âWives, I have given you your husbands, and I will make you holy by them.â And she understood the Lord was speaking to her. The Lord had given her a husband, and he would make her holy through the situation she was in. She realized that she needed to take Godâs word and understand how it applied to her. I pray that you will do the same thing today.
Relating to sons.
With fishing pole in hand, six-year-old Peter asked, âMay I go to Pastoâs, fishing in the creek with my friends?â I reacted in the way any conscientious mother would. âYou may not! [Laughter.] You are not old enough to go fishing without your father. Besides, you could slip and fall in the creek or get a hook caught in your head.â [Laughter.] Peter was so confident that his father would allow him to go that I called Clem at the office. Clem said, âSure, he can go.â [Laughter.] To my objections, he answered, âIâve taught him how to handle a pole, and he knows how to swim. He wonât drown. He wonât get a hook . . . caught . . . in his head.â [Laughter.]
A few hours later, Peter displayed a small bass for me to admire. âWill you cook it for my lunch tomorrow?â he asked me tentatively. He and his dad cleaned the fish that night, and I fried it the next day. And as I placed it on his plate, Peter said, âIs that my fish?â Disappointment was in his voice and in his face, for it had shrunk in the process of cooking and cleaning. [Laughter.] And I said, âIâve always heard your dad say, âThe smaller they are, the sweeter.â Can I have a bite?â [Laughter.]
This incident happened before any community teaching on mothers relinquishing the primary care of their son at the age of five to their fathers. I had to do a lot of repenting then, as I do often, when over-protectiveness overwhelms me.
First point. Mothers need to repent of rejection, feeling left out, jealousy, over-protectiveness, and competition with the father for affection. Yes, we have nursed them. We have diapered them. We have tended them through the night during illness. We have bandaged their cuts. However, we need to understand the significant truth that we must let go of âmy little boy,â and allow his father to be primary in teaching and training him up.
I had to let go of Pete when he was six, and I had to let go of him at 16, when he rode his bike home after football practice, visibly exhausted, and Clem said, âWe need to help Grandpa pack tonight.â I was outraged. I wanted to give him cookies and milk and prop him up with pillows in front of the TV set. [Laughter.] But bite my tongue, I did. We must even leave the room if we are tempted to interfere in any way.
For the single parent, God is your husband. You must relinquish the care of your son to God, his Father. You must repent of anxiety, any bitterness or anger against God that your son does not have a father, and any comparison with women who have husbands to father their sons. This is an opportunity for you to trust God to provide strong male role models for your son, and to provide you with the wisdom to raise him. You must resist the temptation to share with him and to confide in your son as an adult. This imparts a burden on a child that he should not carry. You must be very careful not to become child-centered, and enter fully into the life of the community.
Secondly, the key to relating well to a son is the headshipâsubmission relationship between husband and wife, head and single parent, working well. The husband and wife are co-responsible, with the father as the head of the pastoring team. The husband and wife should be communicating about their children. They should have a joint plan, and they should back each other. The mother actively observes and listens to the way her husband handles her son in various situations, so she knows her husbandâs expectations of their son, and the limitations he has placed on him. Because the mother follows the husbandâs lead and supports his direction for their son, then âthe heart of her husband trusts in herâ [Proverbs 31], and together as a pastoral team, they take a responsibility before God for the raising of their son.
Proverbs 10:1 says, âA wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother.â A mother desires her son to be wise and to learn wisdom from his father and God the Father.
Who fathers the son for the single parent?
First, the single parent may choose to live in household, and the head of the house would father her son. The dynamic of trust must operate in the relationship between the single parent and the head of the house. She follows the direction of the head, always giving him her input.
Secondly, the single parent confers with her head. Bev Bradley said, in the four years that I have headed her, that she has learned how to relate to her son by listening to me share how Clem fathers Peter. If I didnât know how a certain situation should be handledâin other words, if Bev had come to me with a situation on how to take care of Eddie, and I didnât know what to say to her, I would just take that to Clem, and then I would get back to Bev on that later.
Third, the single parent must be open to taking the initiative to call a strong male in the community along headship lines, and to ask for advice. She should look for ways for her son to relate to men by placing them in activities with strong role models, such as the People of Praise scouting program and youth ministry. Because of Clemâs travel, Iâve also been in situations where Iâve had to call a brother over me in headship for advice. One day, Peter injured a muscle during football practice. He came home from school with a big knot in his muscle, and was expected to attend a youth ministry canoe weekend. I could not reach the doctor, and I had two hours to make a decision. I called a brother who had boys in high school football. I sent Pete on the canoe trip. It was hard! [Laughter.] Do not miss the point, single parents. Take the initiative to call for help, but do it along headship lines.
The father directs and instructs and disciplines and trains up his son in the principles of manhood and how to look at life as a man. The mother aids in teaching, under the headship of the father, in other than manly concerns. Proverbs 1:8[-9] says, âListen, my son, to your fatherâs instruction. Do not reject your motherâs teaching. They will be a crown of grace for your head, a circlet for your neck.â
Together, Clem and I discuss such things as TV, radio, what the children should listen [to?], matters like that. Then Clem specifically spells out to the children the kind of music they may listen to, the TV programs they may watch, the kind of books they may read. If a TV program happens [comes?] on, that is out of bounds, my teaching is, âI wouldnât put garbage on your plate. Now, I wonât let you listen to garbage on the radio, and I donât want garbage in your mind and in your spirit.â Thatâs what we mean by âmotherâs sayings.â [Light laughter.]
Father sets the direction. However, it is Mother who is on the scene, who executes that direction in everyday living. First, she corrects wrong behaviorâwrong speech, wrong relationshipsâand tells how to do it according to Scripture and community teaching. She then gives input to her husband as truthfully as possible, so that he might use the incident to teach it in a manly way at a later time.
Also, because she is on the scene, the mother can pick up any difficult problems or burdens the son may have. She can listen to them, then tell the father about them, and allow the father to help the son deal with them in a manly way. The son may have a relationship problem with an adult in authority over him, perhaps a coach, a teacher, youth ministry leader, someone of that sort. The mother may listen to the problem; however, she may not allow wrong speech about the person. We must teach our children to be situation-centered, and speak only of the situation. But under no circumstances allow wrong speech about the person. We need to teach them to honor all the adults in their lives. One mother realized that she became so emotionally involved with her sonâs difficulties that she had to make an agreement with him that he would only talk about them with his father. Another mother said that she made an agreement with her children that they could speak of [sic; to?] her of wrong situations, but then, they must drop it. They must not ask if she had let Daddy know or had taken it to an adultâor taken it to the adult involved. We must listen to their complaint, help them to deal with it, but give no indication that we are going to carry it any further, even though we may investigate the matter later.
The single parent can never be mother and father. She is mother. Her son cannot relate to her as a father. However, she needs to react as a mother. She needs to have the heart of a mother. Then, she needs to seek God the Father and a brother in the community, and ask how to teach her son through a difficult situationâwhat discipline needs to be exacted. Then, she needs to do and to say what a father would do and say. I have realized with Clemâs absence that I must have the heart of a mother. However, I very often have to say and to do the things that Clem would say and do if he were there.
Scripture says, âHonor your father and your mother. Children, obey your parentsâ [Eph. 6:1â2]. A mother expects her son to obey her because she is mother. She has authority in her own right. Her authority over him comes from God. A mother expects her son to honor and respect her in his attitude and in his speech. As her son grows older, a mother should allow manly signs of honor: opening doors, holding your coat, holding your chair at table if that is your custom. However, there may be a time during adolescence that thereâs some timidity about this, and mothers need to help their sons through it by being gracious and thankful.
[Recording ends here.]
Endnotes
1. Inwoods was a South Bend housewares store that closed in 1989. Return to text
2. GCG stands for âgeneral community gathering.â It is an old term for a branch gathering. Return to text
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